As I watch breakthroughs in research, I hope that they can find treatments that will ease some of the challenges that come with being on the spectrum.
Alex's anxiety and communication difficulties mean he can't live independently and curtail the kind of future that he will have. That is heartbreaking. At the same time, I have no desire to erase all traces of his autism.
I could easily write a list of the ways that autism has broken my heart, but I'm not going to.
Today, I want to share the ways that autism has made my life better.
8. My Teaching
Autism has made me a better teacher. Being the parent of a special needs child has informed my teaching in so many ways. It helps me in my classroom with my students, and it helps me support parents, especially when they are new to a diagnosis. I know what it's like to be the parent in an IEP meeting.
7. Problem Solving
Parenting, teaching, living - all of those involve a fair amount of problem solving. Autism does that to the nth degree. Why does he have to hide the videos in the laundry room? Why does he hide certain videos in the children's department at the public library? (Possible Answer: because he loves them so much and they are overwhelming. Thank goodness we had an understanding librarian.) We've learned to pay attention and to figure out solutions.
6. How I View the World
Living with someone with sensory processing issues makes me look at the world in a whole different way. I look for ways in which the world can be overwhelming. Are the sights, sounds, smells, overwhelming? Taking Alex out in the world requires us to think like him so that we can be successful. It's tricky, since he can't tell us what the issues are. We have to watch him and really pay attention.
5. Patience
I am not a naturally patient person, and my life requires me to have an abundance of it. Parenting someone on the spectrum requires some patience (and a sense of humour). As Alex continues his battle with cancer, finally in remission, that patience has been even more important.
4. Learning to Forgive Myself as a Parent
I spent many years chasing the best therapy, the best treatment, and watching the media reports that said if I just did the "right" thing, Alex would be "indistinguishable from his peers." Alex has big-time, classic, autism. I didn't cause it, and I can't make it "go away." But I finally feel like what I do for him is enough. I celebrate his, and our, successes.
3. My Marriage
John is the best possible partner. I can count on him for anything, and he knows he can count on me. We work together with all the challenges that autism and parenting brings, and we enjoy the great family moments. John has always reminded me to focus on the positive and not get mired down in the difficult.
2. My Family
We have a bond so strong that it will never be broken. Other families may have one as strong (just kidding, you think you do, but you don't), but none has one stronger. Seriously, though, we are united in every way. Alex has an amazing sister who loves him without question. We had to learn how to support both children, who are so very, very different. We didn't, and don't, always get it right. We love each other, trust each other, and depend on each other. Going through the things we have together has made us stronger and made us appreciate each other more.
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| Photo by Jenna Kutcher |
1. Alex.
Just Alex. You are enough, just the way you are. You make my heart sing.
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